your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
