well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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