he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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