I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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