woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Im part way to drunk.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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