well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
