the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
