can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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