remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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