The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
