I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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