Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
