I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
