I look better un-naked...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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