if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
