Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
