i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
