please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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