after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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