She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
