He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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