I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How does it feel to date your dad?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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