Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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