He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
