What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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