Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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