that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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