your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
