So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
