i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
