4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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