His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
