i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
