I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
