I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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