peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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