my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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