put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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