I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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