i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
