we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
