i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
