You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
