As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
