Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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