I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
