So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
