Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
50% drunk capacity currently
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
