Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
