also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
